I have the same arguement with people all the time about fairness. I will point out that some thing isn't fair and the person i'm speaking to will inevitably reply with the phrase, "life is not fair". Do you have any idea how sick and tired I am of hearing that?
When did I step through the doorway to another dimension where fairness wasn't something we all strived for? I understand that the economy and whatnot has a lot of people beaten down but does that mean we are all to graciously accept getting screwed over and taken advantage of? When did that become the accepted norm? I am a realist, BUT, just because it happens a lot does not mean that I will embrace unfairness as the new norm. I will continue to boldly stand up for myself no matter what anyone else thinks. I will continue to insist that I be treated fairly. That is not a lofty ideal to have. It should be right next to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. And fairness.
I'm tired of being scoffed at like I'm some wide-eyed, naive little kid for thinking that things should be fair. I understand and accept that fairness cannot always be achieved but that should be the exception, not the rule.
If we are all not to strive for treating and being treated fairly, why is this one of the first traits our parents teach us when we're little? It's fair to give each kid a turn on the slide. It's fair to give each child at your birthday party the exact same items in their goodie bags. It's fair to give all your children the same amount of love and attention. We are told from the start to play fair. How come everybody stops playing fair when they get older? I bet your mother wouldn't approve. What would she say if she knew how unfairly you treat strangers, your customers, your own children, your spouse, your employees, your friends now that you're an adult? She'd blame herself and wonder where she went wrong.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Resentment
I've been thinking about the world's injustices a lot since I was laid off two and a half years ago. I have also been thinking a lot about the direction my life is going and my priorities.
I was very happy with my job, my salary and my position in the company. It was all abruptly brought to an end when my direct report was changed from the person that mentored me for years to an ill-mannered, unfeeling, dim-witted, insolent worm, kiss-ass. He made my life miserable. The fact was, he made everyone who had contact with him miserable. People found him to be harsh, abrupt, insulting and just plain rude. He played it off as if he were joking (though he wasn't). He strong-armed direct reports as well as companies that did business with him. Belittling was his favorite pastime. You could see the joy he attained from it. I know it sounds like I'm describing the Grinch but I'm telling you, this guy is the closest you'd come to the Grinch in real life. I could picture him taking presents away from orphaned children and enjoying every minute of it.
I've often fantasized about doing harm to him. I've never fantasized about doing actual harm to a person before. I still live and work in the same area and wonder what I'd really be capable of if I ran into him. I don't think I'd do anything but lord knows an endless string of the worst profanities I could dream up would come flying out of my mouth. Let's just sum it up to the fact that I equate him with the devil incarnate, representing all that is wrong and evil in the world. I could probably never again summon up this amount of complete hatred for another human being.
For example, I really despised George W. Bush when he was president. I disagreed with just about everything he said and did. It was to the point that at the end of his second term, I couldn't even listen to him speak on TV. I'd have to change the channel immediately when he came on. I'm over that. Thinking about it, I'd have to say the only person that comes close to having this sort of hatred attributed to them by me would be that idiot Sarah Palin. I can't stand listening to her. She makes me sick. BUT, she makes me sick for an entirely different reason. That's a topic all on its own to be explored.
So, after many years of building on my career experience, training to move up the ladder and bending over backwards for the best boss I'd ever had, I got The Worm as my boss. The Worm single-handedly dismantled my career and got me "laid-off" in a matter of 2 years. And why? Because I stood up to him. He treated me like dirt and I called him on it. I told him he was rude. Eventually, we ended up in HR, I coughed up my documentation of his pattern of abuse and they got rid of me. Let me add that I'd received numerous above average reviews with "fat" salary increases prior to The Worm's arrival.
And that, kids, is what happens when you stand up for yourself and what you believe to be just. Working for a large corporation is always the same. It doesn't matter what the industry is. You do what they tell you, how they tell you to do it or they will find a way to get rid of you. I currently work for another large corporation and it's the same crap under a different roof. No one understands why I have such a bad attitude all the time. I was abruptly shoved out of my enjoyment of a rewarding career. I was betrayed by the one to which I was so loyal. You know what they say; once bitten, twice shy. Or maybe more appropriately; Kick a dog once and he may whimper. Kick him twice and he may rip your leg off. You can kick but let me tell you, it is at your own risk.
So, this is the story of the origin of resentment in me. I long to be the person I was before this experience. I was a dedicated, hard-working, passionate person that strived to be the best in my field. The dedication is long gone, dead and buried. The hard-working trait re-emerges despite my bad attitude simply because I have pride. The passion is still very much there, but in a dismal form.
Everything happens for a reason. I hang onto that idea as my one saving grace. It's my rationale for saying that what happened is okay. I want to believe it and for the most part, I do. However, I currently find myself wandering aimlessly through my "career" with no ambition or goals and lots of resentment. I hope that writing about it will soothe the savage beast that rages inside me every time I witness an injustice in the workplace.
Injustices small and large can set me off. For example, this insensitive, socially inept guy I work with thinks it's okay to look at a girl and ask "what did you do to your hair?" or "what's with your hair?" in the office. It is not said with humor or jest but rather snarky and abrupt. The women play it off as if it was not a big deal. You can tell their feelings are hurt. It makes me mad. There are two things that will infuriate me to no end; one is when someone points out others' faults to make themselves look good and the other is when someone will insult another for their own amusement. Let's get one thing straight. Insults are not amusing, especially when they have malice behind them. Bullying is not cool. Standing up for others is what I enjoy. Putting insolence in its place makes me feel good. Calling people out on bad behavior, to me, is a step in the right direction to getting us back to a more civilized society. Your mom really wasn't kidding when she said that bullies are weak and insecure. Only insecure people are afraid of and intimidated by the prettier, younger, stronger, taller, smarter, more accomplished than them. The rest of us admire them.
I was very happy with my job, my salary and my position in the company. It was all abruptly brought to an end when my direct report was changed from the person that mentored me for years to an ill-mannered, unfeeling, dim-witted, insolent worm, kiss-ass. He made my life miserable. The fact was, he made everyone who had contact with him miserable. People found him to be harsh, abrupt, insulting and just plain rude. He played it off as if he were joking (though he wasn't). He strong-armed direct reports as well as companies that did business with him. Belittling was his favorite pastime. You could see the joy he attained from it. I know it sounds like I'm describing the Grinch but I'm telling you, this guy is the closest you'd come to the Grinch in real life. I could picture him taking presents away from orphaned children and enjoying every minute of it.
I've often fantasized about doing harm to him. I've never fantasized about doing actual harm to a person before. I still live and work in the same area and wonder what I'd really be capable of if I ran into him. I don't think I'd do anything but lord knows an endless string of the worst profanities I could dream up would come flying out of my mouth. Let's just sum it up to the fact that I equate him with the devil incarnate, representing all that is wrong and evil in the world. I could probably never again summon up this amount of complete hatred for another human being.
For example, I really despised George W. Bush when he was president. I disagreed with just about everything he said and did. It was to the point that at the end of his second term, I couldn't even listen to him speak on TV. I'd have to change the channel immediately when he came on. I'm over that. Thinking about it, I'd have to say the only person that comes close to having this sort of hatred attributed to them by me would be that idiot Sarah Palin. I can't stand listening to her. She makes me sick. BUT, she makes me sick for an entirely different reason. That's a topic all on its own to be explored.
So, after many years of building on my career experience, training to move up the ladder and bending over backwards for the best boss I'd ever had, I got The Worm as my boss. The Worm single-handedly dismantled my career and got me "laid-off" in a matter of 2 years. And why? Because I stood up to him. He treated me like dirt and I called him on it. I told him he was rude. Eventually, we ended up in HR, I coughed up my documentation of his pattern of abuse and they got rid of me. Let me add that I'd received numerous above average reviews with "fat" salary increases prior to The Worm's arrival.
And that, kids, is what happens when you stand up for yourself and what you believe to be just. Working for a large corporation is always the same. It doesn't matter what the industry is. You do what they tell you, how they tell you to do it or they will find a way to get rid of you. I currently work for another large corporation and it's the same crap under a different roof. No one understands why I have such a bad attitude all the time. I was abruptly shoved out of my enjoyment of a rewarding career. I was betrayed by the one to which I was so loyal. You know what they say; once bitten, twice shy. Or maybe more appropriately; Kick a dog once and he may whimper. Kick him twice and he may rip your leg off. You can kick but let me tell you, it is at your own risk.
So, this is the story of the origin of resentment in me. I long to be the person I was before this experience. I was a dedicated, hard-working, passionate person that strived to be the best in my field. The dedication is long gone, dead and buried. The hard-working trait re-emerges despite my bad attitude simply because I have pride. The passion is still very much there, but in a dismal form.
Everything happens for a reason. I hang onto that idea as my one saving grace. It's my rationale for saying that what happened is okay. I want to believe it and for the most part, I do. However, I currently find myself wandering aimlessly through my "career" with no ambition or goals and lots of resentment. I hope that writing about it will soothe the savage beast that rages inside me every time I witness an injustice in the workplace.
Injustices small and large can set me off. For example, this insensitive, socially inept guy I work with thinks it's okay to look at a girl and ask "what did you do to your hair?" or "what's with your hair?" in the office. It is not said with humor or jest but rather snarky and abrupt. The women play it off as if it was not a big deal. You can tell their feelings are hurt. It makes me mad. There are two things that will infuriate me to no end; one is when someone points out others' faults to make themselves look good and the other is when someone will insult another for their own amusement. Let's get one thing straight. Insults are not amusing, especially when they have malice behind them. Bullying is not cool. Standing up for others is what I enjoy. Putting insolence in its place makes me feel good. Calling people out on bad behavior, to me, is a step in the right direction to getting us back to a more civilized society. Your mom really wasn't kidding when she said that bullies are weak and insecure. Only insecure people are afraid of and intimidated by the prettier, younger, stronger, taller, smarter, more accomplished than them. The rest of us admire them.
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